All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
