I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
