What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
3 2 1 whiskey
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
