Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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