I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm passing your future prison.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
