I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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