i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
