if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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