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this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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