i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
