I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
