dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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