Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
