just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
