woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
