3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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