I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
