i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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