guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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