the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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