They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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