still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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