I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
