My room smells like vodka and shame
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
