so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
