She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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