just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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