you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
