is wine microwaveable?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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