He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
