Someone shit on the floor
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
