new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
