She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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