Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
