Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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