I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
