just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
