ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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