Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
