first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
