i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
