4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
