Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
