Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
