Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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