The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
