he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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