no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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