I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
