I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
